We’ve already looked at The Good and covered some of The Bad but this blog I’m going to be talking about the ugly side of Tinder. The ugly but very far from shocking side. Most peoples reactions when they found out I was on Tinder were either just pure disgust because, well, it’s Tinder or they were simply shocked and appalled that I of all people would be going anywhere near Tinder – I think it’s meant as a compliment, ‘you’re a nice, normal person…what are you doing delving into the hell hole that is Tinder dating? Surely you can find dates elsewhere.‘
I guess this is why my initial intentions were to not take it too seriously, I genuinely didn’t even expect to meet a single nice person on there, let alone a few! Everyone’s heard stories about Tinder; an app full of disgusting, sexist, sex obsessed men and fake chat-bot girls that are seemingly just as obsessed with sex as they are. Unfortunately for them, these women are not real accounts and so, aside from the fraudulent flirters, real women (like myself) are the ones viewing their profiles, horrified. A few men have said to me that the women are ‘just as bad‘ and maybe that’s true but a lot of these stories are coming from guys that have been naively lured in by chat-bots and potentially a few cam-girls looking for clients. Yes, I’m sure some girls have more provocative photographs on their profiles that others. I’m sure some girls use it purely for sexting and probably on the hunt for friends with benefits in the same way a large percentage of the men there are but I don’t see these profiles. I’m calling a lot of it out as bullshit though, so many men have messaged me about the girls being so much worse, that they’ve heard from a friend of a friend that if you talk to a girl on Tinder they’ll be sending you nudes instantly, “flopping their tits out” when all they’ve said is hello…but you can’t even send photos over Tinder? So that’s quite clearly not true. After some research, I did read that their used to be a Snapshat-esque feature to it like two years ago so, maybe then, but definitely not now. I wanted to take this final post to conclude and explain why women are so few and far between on this app.
It’s quite sad really, the odds for a nice, normal guy to find someone on Tinder are really stacked against them. I didn’t realise when I first got it how much matching with guys was going to get their hopes up and affect their Tinder experience. For me (and most women on there) my inbox was full of matches, I could have been less fussy and filled it even more so and I wrongly assumed this was the same for men. Lot’s of men won’t get any matches for fairly long periods of time and then when they do, lot’s of them are women like me who maybe weren’t all that interested in the first place (I’m a dick, sorry!) and don’t plan on meeting for a date at all, or, in my case, I met someone pretty soon and so the rest were sat on the bench before being given a chance to play.
It really sucks but I do think (I hope not too controversially) that men are to blame here…and no, no, before you say it, #notallmen. A select ‘type’ of guy is ruining Tinder and its reputation for everyone else. Steering clear of these creeps and assholes is making women wary, followed by men trying too hard. Often, women are signing up just for a confidence boost (or sexting) because they know that, really, they’re going to be bombarded with that whether they like it or not, so why not control the situation yourself? I’m going to show you what a large percentage of Tinder accounts look like – I’m sure many women will wince in pain here in the same way I did and any nice blokes reading this, please pay attention and forgive us when we seem ‘hard to please‘ and like its ‘hard to catch our attention’…you are swimming in a sea of shit with a couple diamonds bopping about, which we later realise, nope, that’s also just dried up shit. There are very few actual diamonds in the Tinder ocean of turds and you are going to get dirty sifting through it. It’s going to stink and leave a foul taste in your mouth every time you start swiping but you keep going because maybe you will find someone in there, that like you, has a lot more to them. Someone kind, open and honest.
I’m aware that most of these profiles are also supposed to be funny and inject my life with some much needed quality ‘banter’ but, trust me, women have to listen to enough of this shit throughout our day-to-day lives from a very young age…boys in school and online to men shouting at you in the street or cornering you on a night out. We do not think it’s funny. It’s not flirty, sexy or enticing. It makes you look immature and gross as well as making it apparent you actually have nothing of worth to offer right now.
Aside from the ‘funny boys’ there’s the straight-up blunt and honest profiles.
After swiping through all these douchebag bios, I was greeted by my first Tinder dick pic. Some guy with no pictures of him throughout his entire profile, just close-up ab shots completed by a a cropped picture of his crotch with him gripping his erect penis through his jeans. I have to say, this horrified me to such an extent I had to screenshot and send it to a few pals because there is not way I am dealing with viewing that, unexpectedly and without asking, on my own. Fuck Tinder.
Finally, I came across a few profiles specifically looking to have an affair and it just made me feel so, so sad. This particular example aggressively super-liked me as well – another profile of body shots. So many people are using Tinder and feeling like it’s their last ditch attempt at finding love (seriously, so many people my age already feel left on the shelf and that they’ll never find anyone, it’s crazy) only to be faced with so many disappointing profiles must be totally demotivating – not to mention, really time consuming! For the week or two that I properly used Tinder, it took up SO much of my time. There are so many profiles to go through and a very limited amount of them met minimum requirements for being satisfactory, let alone outstanding. Most of it just feels like repeats of the profile bios I’ve posted here.
Read more from this series: