Following on from my previous post Tinder – The Good… I’m getting close to wrapping up my personal experience with the notorious dating app and what better way to finish than on a negative. That’s the famous saying, right? Always go out on a low…because that’s the fun stuff the sadists of society want to read. Well, don’t you worry because I’ve got your back and will be featuring a bunch of stuff I didn’t mention beforehand, saving the worst until last. I’ve featured a few insights into the more depressing and cringe worthy side of Tinder in my previous blog posts What Makes Me Swipe Left On Tinder? and Why I Hate Your Tinder Profile. so make sure you check out those posts first if you haven’t already!
As always, this blog is completely personal to me and I am fully aware that things I might see as a negative, many will see as a positive! People will make assumptions of my profile too – I usually DJ a couple nights a week and lots of people wouldn’t like that I work late. I’m going to use this blog to specify a few personal things that might ‘turn me off’ a profile. In my next and final Tinder blog we will go from looking at personal taste to openly offensive. But we’ll build up to that and start off with a few things that might make me swipe left:
You seem too ‘young’ for me. This doesn’t mean just your actual age (although that too, I’m put off by anyone being younger than me to be honest…even my age seems too young as my boyfriends have generally been 2-4yrs older and still not quite ripe yet) but if your bio just says ‘Lives for the sesh’…we probably aren’t on the same wavelength, whilst I may provide you tunes for the sesh…I am not known to regularly partake in the sesh (don’t bring up the three bottles of prosecco on my birthday last year…really, don’t) Same goes if you have to write in your bio that that’s not a person you’re snogging in your profile photo, that’s a mannequin…
You are a dickhead. The amount of profiles that say “I’m an absolute dickhead” or something similar, Christ. That might have been really cool back on Myspace in ’03 but it’s 2017 now and the ‘girls’ you used to chat up are now women. Being a dickhead isn’t sexy, which brings me onto the next point…
You are a fuckboi. Thanks modern slang for finally making a word that describes these men. Pouting photos, topless at the gym with your sixpack out matched with a bio full of fake soppy crap. “I’m shy” or “I don’t like small talk” but these are commonly followed with phrases like ‘Never say never‘, ‘trust in pixie dust‘, ‘You only live once‘ (Yeah, I didn’t know people still said that either) or one example I saw, “every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.” Pass me a bucket. We see through you and I’ll be covering this in much further detail in my next post. I find these obvious lines quite patronising if I’m honest, as if someones bio saying “Go on, impress me and send the first message” will actually make me do that.
Cheap tricks. Dogs are great on Tinder, cats are great, goats are great, birds, all the cute pets are a total plus. However, some guys are so clearly using stuff like this in an attempt to manipulate swipes. If your main picture is of your dog and not you, that’s weird. If I can barely see you in any of your photos because your dog is the star of ever shot, that’s weird. I’m not falling for it! However, if your photos are all you but the last one includes you and your cats butthole together…It’s very likely that I will fall for it.
Your bio is too long. Generally this comes across as unsure, too serious or simply as trying to hard. For me, I prefer something short and sweet and I guess someone that writes about themselves in a way I like, I’ll assume they have my sense of humour/similar outlook on life whereas with long, drawn out rambling bios I assume the exact opposite and avoid.
Sometimes we women are treated and they might even come in the form of a poem:
Firstly, please don’t mention your penis in your Tinder bio. Do your best to refrain from any dick chat here unless all you want is a shag, which I still don’t think will work, but I wish you all the best. Secondly, don’t complain about things you don’t like such as women pouting or using fake tan, whilst also threatening to not hold our hand as if you are too ashamed to be seen with them. All you need to do is swipe left for any fake-tanned/pouty girls and no one will have any problems! Another dude had “duck lips are so unappealing” as the only thing on his bio….Your lack of personality is unappealing. Not all women are trying to appeal to you, mate. This long example of a bio could be so much shorter and sharper; eclectic music taste and loves to read comics. Easy. When you have to slag off others in your Tinder bio it just worries me that you think it’s relevant in any way. Your bio is about you, the only person you should be talking about is yourself.
You have/want kids.
Going back to the previous bio, mentioning your future, ‘beautiful’ children in such a heartfelt way terrifies me and I want out already. The idea of having kids is something you are told, as a woman, that you will want. Regardless of whether you think you will or not, everyone else knows best. Because you’re female, you must want kids, otherwise why are you even here? I could literally bring myself to tears if I thought about birthing a child too much. Nope, nope, nope. Being super keen to have kids soon scares me. Rightly or wrongly, it really does.
However, I don’t think someone having kids is a total deal breaker for me. Where I am in my life right now, though, being only 26, very busy being self-employed and the fact that loads of my friends are students because I also work as a DJ for mostly-student rock nights makes me think I’m not quite ready to take on some serious responsibility if things were to work out well with that person. I guess it’s a commitment related issue because it makes fucking up so much worse if someone elses kid is potentially going to get hurt in the process. Probably something I’d preferably avoid where possible – for that reason I think it’s great to mention you have kids in your bio, so you don’t get mixed up with annoying fusspots like me.
You referenced sex. Either with a lame joke or just too much information…I had to google what autosexual was. Cheesy chat up lines such as, “My names James but you can call me tonight” are also a no from me…especially when paired with a winky face.
I hope I covered some observations left out of the original posts and you’ve either enjoyed my point of view or maybe even taken some guidance to change your bio. Tinder is not all bad though so, alternatively, if you’re wanting to leave reading this blog on a more positive note you can check out What Makes A Good Tinder Profile? followed by further examples in Tinder – The Good… or even back to one of my earliest posts, Why I Swiped Right and Made a Match. – Spoiler alert, I am currently still dating Catbum. It’s been about 9 weeks now…must be serious. Buy a hat, yeah?
Read more from this series: