I haven’t been doing much swiping on Tinder this week, I’m super busy and it’s actually SO tough to keep up with everyone! I’m realising how different it must be to use the app with one match compared to forty; you feel like you owe all these people your attention but a few just going through the motions replying because I don’t want to be a dick. I feel like I constantly have thousands of messages to reply to so now that I’ve settled in I think I need to start taking my swiping a bit more seriously. I should feel excited when I make a match rather than an often uninterested reaction of “oh, cool…next!” which makes the whole thing pretty pointless from a dating perspective. I spent some time last night unmatching the people that don’t speak to me or where the conversation had fizzled out within three messages. I’m also being a massive baby about meeting up with anyone right now – it’s scary! I did ‘accidentally’ meet my first Tinder Match this weekend though as we were both at the same event. He was nice and it was less scary obviously than having to meet someone for a ‘date’ (particularly as someone that’s never dated!) but I will have to get out there a bit at some point. Mostly men have just asked for my number though or stopped talking to me, no actual dates. I’ve also accidentally super-liked a couple people now, which is very awkward, and last night I very, very, VERY nearly super-liked my ex boyfriend when showing my sister his profile. Just as a ‘look who it is’ but I nearly dropped my phone and swiped in the process, I nearly died.
Loads of you this week have been getting in touch telling me your Tinder experiences and, to be honest, they have mostly been good! Sort of like TK Maxx, you might be there a while but if you’re willing to wade through all the crap there’s actually some real diamonds now and again. There just needs to be some patience involved. I have actually met a few really nice guys on Tinder so I definitely don’t think Tinder is all bad and I don’t want anyone getting those vibes from my blog. I guess the last one could be seen as a bit of a downer, so I thought I’d show you some of the things that I think make a good Tinder profile, even if it hasn’t quite convinced me to right-swipe.
Your photos: This can be shallow but it does also tell you a lot of things about someone. I can tell if I think you’re hot, I do like it if a guy works out…nice arms/shoulders don’t go unnoticed. Nothing insane but I go to the gym a few times a week so I’d like it if my potential partner did as well (It’s only fair, right?!) I like smiley photos, I can see if you like to have fun, generally good quality and a variety of images is great, too. Please don’t have all your photos as you with friends because I don’t know which one you are and I’m not a risk-taker. One guys main picture was of his car, I don’t even know if this is meant to be a good impressive car, I’m totally clueless but it’s not even a good photo of the car?!
You’ve made me laugh: Of course by ‘laugh’ I just mean I found it humorous and exhaled out of my nose before swiping left, but still. Good effort! Acknowledging references to Tinder profiles always briefly entertains me, sort of indicates that you’re pretty grounded and not taking everything too seriously, you’re self aware. One guy says “There are no photos of me surfboarding or skiing” – this is an actual thing. Every single profile is someone seemingly ‘well travelled’ but mostly just skiing, skiing, skiing. The men are also ALL 6ft 3, which they have to tell you right away, it also wasn’t their wedding and that baby is their niece, not theirs. Oh, everyones after a travel partner too. For Thailand usually, or just for an upcoming wedding.
There’s been loads of profiles that got a small chuckle out of me in my head; “I got really good GCSE’s when I was younger”, “I’ll make you crease up more than Gordon Ramsey’s forehead” and “Living dreams and custard creams” – funny one-liners but just weren’t enough to clinch the deal. Sometimes a clever joke can reveal a deal-breaker though, “I’ve been smoking for more than ten years now, so I’m clearly not afraid of commitment – #boyfriendmaterial” funny but I don’t smoke, so, left. There are also a lot of bad ‘dad’ jokes or puns floating around though, such as “A book fell on me this morning but I’ve only got my shelf to blame”…or much worse ones like, “I got rid of my drums so I need something else to bang” Ick.
Your bio stands out: I’ll always notice some good emoji use, references like “searching for my meme queen” or “Looking for someone who can make me laugh as much as Dwight Schrute” – Hell yes to any pop-culture references that I understand and aren’t Star Wars. I love The Office and obviously *everyone* loves Dwight. I nearly right-swiped but this guys picture is a selfie with a mirror in the background behind him and he’s wedged his underwear into a thong. This scares me and I quickly retreat.
One guys profile images run like a power-point slideshow, entitled “Why You Should Swipe Right And Go On A Date With Me.” It involved photos as well as lots of positives, ranging from “I can bake” to “I might be a broke PhD student but that means I’m smart as fuck. I’ll probably get a good job in the future” with headers for each slide. Very cute and my sister ‘awww’d this guy for a long time saying he’d make someone a lovely and caring boyfriend. I still swiped left though, sorry! Personally I like something short and snappy that I connect with and maybe it makes me laugh too. Here’s some of the longer ones, though:
You are vegan or vegetarian: or at least health conscious. Generally an ‘alternative’ person I assume I’ll have more in common with in terms of music but also views, tend to be more liberal etc. I’m vegetarian, haven’t really eaten meat my whole life but committed to being vegetarian about 8 years ago. On average I probably have two vegan meals a day and one vegetarian but my boyfriends have mostly all eaten meat, it’s not a deal-breaker but it would be a nice bonus!
Your anthem: This is such a good feature to Tinder! Someone had New Found Glory – Ballad of the Lost Romantics, which isn’t even that well known with actual NFG fans (I am a massive fan) and is around the right era for most of my music tastes, so that’s definitely a big positive for me. As well as some Enter Shikari and Beartooth. Sometimes this has helped persuade me and sometimes it’s just not quite enough when evaluating the whole package.
You have a photo with a cute animal: Yes, I’m as guilty as everyone else. This always distracts me from the rest of the profile, swooning over puppies and cats. One guy writes, “you can use my Netflix while I supply pizza and pictures of puppies” which sounds amazing because I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who still doesn’t have Netflix. Another one says “I’ll buy you food and I have a dog” …all these offerings of food are great, with puppies clinching the deal. On Tinder, there are SO many good dogs! Everyone has a dog, or has at least posed with someones cute dog and I have to restrain my thumb from instantly liking the dog as if it were a Facebook post. Nearly got caught out a few times and have to remind myself to ignore the pup. It’s not just dogs, though, there’s all sorts on offer. There’s one photo of a guy with two elephants, only this one is slightly different to the others I’ve seen as he’s laying on his front and their trunks seem to be exploring his butt cheeks…I’ll round up this blog with some of my other favourites:
Read more from this series:
An ode to all the cute animals I will never meet ❤