Day two of Tinder has seen little improvement on day one. I’m trying to swipe right more often, otherwise there’s going to be no conversation and I will learn nothing! It’s really difficult to decide yes or no based on not only what someone looks like (and a very short, often off-putting bio) but actually just low quality *photos* of what they look like. As a photographer and someone that hardly ever likes photos of themselves, I know photographs don’t always show how you want to be seen. I’m also becoming increasingly aware of being a stuck-up arsehole left-swiping everyone that’s ‘not good enough for me’…It’s a subconscious thing that can’t really be helped and obviously attraction is important but I do feel a bit like I’m questioning whether I am giving myself too much worth in comparison to these poor left-swiped men. Even though I’m not taking it seriously, I’m also not about just trolling a load of obvious no’s just for a few funny intros. I also often want to swipe right for typically attractive ‘hunky’ men that I just don’t find attractive personally but I think I just want to see if they find me attractive?! As if that means anything. I don’t know if that’s insecurity or intrigue but I’m sure it’s something I’ll be delving into whether I like the answer or not…
I’ve managed 28 matches now and that includes quite a few super-likes which, of course, is flattering but also feels kind of pressurising for me to like them back out of politeness. You only get one ‘super-like’ a day on Tinder which just means that person gets to push to the front of the queue and fill up your screen like ‘HEY, I LIKE YOU A LOT, DO YOU LIKE ME BACK?!’ with these big yes or no buttons. You’re put on the spot to decide before you continue through the usual process. I’m going to list the following as I felt when I first matched them, not what I found out after speaking to them. Lots of my judgements were wrong but you can’t help but decide based on shallow preconceptions with an App like this.
#1 – M, 25.
My first super-like! Going off first impressions, seems like he likes the same kinds of things as me, he’s got tattoos and it looks like he’s in a band (massive turn off personally…band boys just think they’re the shit don’t they?) but on the positive side that probably means he likes rock music and I’m an Alt/Rock DJ. We have lots of friends in common. He looks like he goes to the gym and he works at a health food store so I assume he’s vegetarian, vegan or at least health conscious. In his main photo he’s wearing a jumper (cosy, I like!) drinking tea (cosy, I like!) and wears glasses…obviously must be intelligent then because everyone knows that’s what glasses mean, I have them myself, so I know. Somehow I don’t notice his age and assume he’s older than me (I’m 26) as he looks like a mature gent. Mostly his photos are just really good photos, they’re pretty chill, there’s a laughing one with a pal and they’re not the typical in-your-face half-naked body shots that I’ve had thrust at me all day along with a snapchat username. However, in a catastrophic twist of events there is a huge deal-breaker coming…he has a massive beard and I mean a REALLY massive beard, the type of beard you will probably find missing people in, probably bigger than any beard I know and I really just don’t like beards (millions of girls shriek in disapproval) Regardless, I’m really flattered by my first super-like and I match him mostly to say why I don’t like him (because that’s a normal way to flirt, right?) I wanted to let him know ‘thank you, you seem awesome but I just don’t like beards even though it IS a really, really great beard and lots of women will probably be impregnated just looking at it. So well done, well done for the beard, thanks but no thanks.’ (INSERT HINDSIGHT: I now know he already follows my Instagram, he’ll probably see this, hello Mr M)
#2 – S, 26.
Another super-like! (wow, I’m a total stud.) I really thought I recognised this guy, to the point that maybe that’s why he liked me in the first place so I *had* to like him back to be able to message him. Good-looking guy, smart photos, smiley photos, funny photos, outdoorsy photos. Can see he probably likes indie music from The XX on his profile so nothing bad really, I just can’t get out of my head that I know him from somewhere! We also have a lot of friends in common, I think he’s worth a chat so I match him.
#3 – P, 29.
More the sort of age I was thinking, typically good looking guy, photos make him look friendly and they’re not massively cringe selfies (I say that as if my own selfies aren’t massively cringe – hey, people are hypocrites.) theres also a photo of him at some kind of comic con and whilst I’m not a fanatic myself, it’s a common interest amongst most of my friends and we have many friends in common. He’ll probably ‘understand’ my job better than some ‘lads’ but mostly I swipe right because he has a natural silver streak in his hair! I just like that for some reason. He clearly didn’t want to waste a super-like on me though. (some people say I take things too personally…)
#4 – S, 26.
He’s local to me, I like the way he dresses (mostly, there’s one very questionable image with very short shorts) he has friends, he uses emojis but mostly I like a cat in one of his photos. The short shorts are saved by a hilarious cat with it’s butthole out on show and that’s just the kind of thing I think is hilarious. I hope he knows that its so visible and I like to think that’s why he’s chosen that picture, top bants award.
#5 – J, 26.
I actually know who this guy is from seeing his work online, he’s a Youtuber and has made viral videos locally so I recognise him instantly. He’s an attractive guy as well but mostly I think I liked him to see if he’d like me back (he did) but I also positively note that he understands social media etc as that’s a big part of my job and something we might have in common. I note that he has more Instagram followers than me, the absolute cheek.
#6 – L, 28.
Not sure on this one. Not really my type; snap chat, xbox and football in his bio which don’t really appeal to me at all. He likes Eminem which can go either way but he’s local, he uses the upside down smiley face emoji that I love and he’s pretty good looking, looks like Colin Farrell – plus I’m trying not to be too fussy aren’t I!
#7 – T, 31.
Father of one, not something that would usually appeal to me but don’t want to let things like that put me off. I can see he likes Death Cab for Cutie and Green Day so we probably have a similar taste in music. Not entirely my type, has a beard like everyone else. He says he’s a geek and a romantic so I think he’s worth a shot and swipe right.
#8 – M, 29.
If you have used Tinder, you quickly discover that there are mostly just absolute NOPEs thrown at you to the point that rather than looking for things you will personally connect positively with, you start going for people that just don’t have extreme negatives. He’s good looking, looks like he knows that though and I don’t really like that about him (or anyone) but maybe that’s because I don’t think I’m good enough to date a really attractive, muscular ‘hunk’ of a man? I guess I just wonder if someone like him would like me back and he does. It is an ego boost but, really, it’s the smallest hit of dopamine getting attention from someone you’re not interested in. It does make you feel good about yourself but it’s also so shallow and meaningless that the feeling doesn’t linger very long before you get bored and off to chase another match. I don’t really like attention in general but I do like the right attention, I’ll be waiting for one person to reply whilst a million other responses give me no satisfaction at all. Pointless, empty validation doesn’t feel all that validating.
#9 – M, 30.
He super-likes me (Thanks!) Few things in common, gym, tattoos, rock music etc…also lists ‘friends’ as a like, not sure if he means his friends (well, duh) or the TV Show but hey, I like my friends and Friends so it’s not a *bad* thing. It’s hard to tell exactly what he looks like but generally good looking guy, not too much beard (but still more than I’d like) and seems like someone I’d potentially get along with in terms of interests so I match him back.
#10 – R, 25.
Younger than me again, ew, makes me feel old even though it’s only a year. I assume he’s too immature for me but try and reserve my unfair judgement. He also has a kid and works for the Army which I don’t really like straight off the bat but I know that encompasses a lot of different jobs, he’s a personal trainer so he’s into fitness, he’s half-Irish, he’s attractive but in more of a unique way that I kind of like, so I swipe right and so does he.
In summary, most of my matches have been because they ‘seem okay’ rather than knocking my socks off (shocker) and just if they seem like nice guys and are fairly attractive. I like a really good smile and smiley eyes. I’ve also swiped right for a bunch of topless muscly guys who I’d usually think must be pricks to be honest – but you never know! I’ve matched with a couple nerdier guys too, some beardy tattooed blokes, people that work in live music, a hairstylist who hunted me down on Tinder after seeing my Instagram and a bunch of guys with cute pets. I even matched with someone simply because they were wearing an Abandon Ship Apparel T-shirt, an independent brand I like and have worked with. Mostly though, I’ve matched with a bunch of guys who probably right-swiped me for the same ego boost I did with them because barely any of them have actually spoken to me.
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